u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
