We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize