If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
