Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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