I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm passing your future prison.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
