This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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