I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize