hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
