I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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