Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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