I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
