i think my tv is drunk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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