Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
