he puts the penis in happiness.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
