the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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