I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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