His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
