Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Randomize
