My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
