Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.