Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.