I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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