I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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