it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..