I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??