so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.