my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.