that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
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Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.