This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.