no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
