i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
