I will die if light touches me.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Randomize
