I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
