I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
