Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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