i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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