i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
worst night to have a conscience
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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