Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
