I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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