giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize