and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize