dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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