? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
