I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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We had to coat check the pizza.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?