The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?