Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.