he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours