I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i will never coherently bang her
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.