He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize