So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
