Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
