If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
