So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
