Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up