Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I could fuck to npr.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.