i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil