I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.