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i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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