i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!