Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.