Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now