Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.