mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.