Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
