when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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