i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
