This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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